我又得罪人了～

最近一直得罪朋友，每次都是得罪了才知道得罪到他们，然后就反省，安静地不说话，想想自己的错，想办法和他们和好。或许他们过了一两天就忘记了，但是我就是无法原谅我自己，为何我就是一直得罪他们呢？开玩笑，都是开玩笑惹得祸！我为何就是一直开玩笑呢？然后就不顾他人的想法，就说去来？然后就得罪到朋友。我也是很讨厌这样的我，但开玩笑好像是我和他们之间沟通的桥梁，我不会开话题，我不会加入他们的话题，我只会开玩笑，讲冷笑话，其他的都不会了。我该怎么办？得罪朋友很难受，冷战，恐怖，淡化，失去。我都有在反省，我真的都有在反省，我面子薄，就是开不了口说对不起，说了他们也是不原谅的表情，心里更加难受。为什么友谊就是那么的脆弱，那么的难维持，让它永恒呢？我真的很伤心，朋友的不爽的眼神，看着我，心很难受，像是友谊走到了尽头，那种感觉，有人能了解吗？？

Hooray!!!!!

The trial is end!!!!! Feel like freedom now!!!! But when I realize that SPM is not end yet, haizzz~ That what I do~ But now at least the trial is end, can play now. No stress, no formula in my head, feel free!!!!! Now I just need to pray for the good marks for all the subject, but I know my standard, so I just pray for PASS only~ Haiz, I need to go for a walk, just want to relax now before the SPM came~

I Feel I Been Isolated

     Start from the day back from KL trip, I feel like been isolated. It all start from the day I upload the picture of my friends. I really forget that they are telling me DO NOT upload to the website, maybe at the moment I was busy with my camera and photos I have taken, so I not pay attention to their speech. So, the event happen right after I upload the photos to website, one of my friend call me. I answer the call and the first sentence she say is:''I--H-A-T-E--Y-O-U''【If I not mistaken】The purpose she call me is want me to delete the photo that have she inside. She telling me that she already said to me and I have promise she not upload to web, but I really can't remember anythings about it. She tell me to delete the photo so I did it. Ok, never mind, maybe I really make a mistake, fine, but the next day to school, I been hated by other friends of my friend. It make me feel like, OMG, I just like betray my friends and been hate and been isolated from them. I feel very sad that day, not because of they isolate me but it was because one of them that should not been involved in this case mad to me, I really want to say to she:''What your business?? Why you want to involved in the case?? You not support to say anythings to my friends that make my friends more hate me!! And you don't know anythings about it!!''【We became friends already now】I feel sad not mad because that days been hate by my friends~ But we all get better after I delete the album of the photo of the KL trip. 

     Another case is happening right now. The exam weeks make me really sick of it and make me feel more been isolated from my friends. I really feel it, just at school this day. Today have BI papers 1&2, after these papers, it have a long long time for waiting to go home. I feel isolated on that time.I siting on my chair, boring, want to get into the topic of they saying but I can't get into it. I standing at the corridor, watching the students walking around the school. I feel boring, I want some talk, I want to play with them, laugh with them but I can't get into topic plus I'm a shy boy, I don't know how to start a topic, I scare they still hate me because of the photos, I don't know what they think about me, I just scare I open my mouth and been hated by them, so I just sit at my place listening their talk.They not talk about me, they not invite me, not bring me to the topic although I just sit around them. Are they hate me?? I keep thinking like this. No friends want to talk to me, and when I want to open my mouth, they just like not care about and walk away from me. That really hurt me. Am I been isolated?? I really hope this situation will change after this trial exam.

Exam

Trial Exam started~ Feel terrible~ No study, still play games, internet, watch animation, lay on the bed and sleep~ Really feel terrible!! I need to wake up!!! I hope someone can give me one or two slaps on my face and tell me: ''Wake UP!!!! Study!!!!'' Haiz~ What make me so lazy?? Why I'm so lazy?? No one can tell me~ Exam, I need to tell you, I--H-A-T-E--Y-O-U

初体验！！

        我又有过我的第一次了！第一次去看3D电影！！The Last Air Bender！电影刚开始时的却让人很震撼！那画面的却像是真的！可是就是有开头有3D效果罢了【失望】 明明是部很好看得卡通，却被cut掉很多！3D效果也非常少！！【愤怒】还收我们戏票RM16！！！ 真对不起其他朋友因为是我介绍他们来看这部电影的～ haiz～ 他们的反应让我很责怪我自己！！【担心难过】
        当天也和他们去唱K！！ 也是初体验！！ 但糟糕的是我很着怪我自己！！ 因为有我在，感觉让他们high不起来！！ 我为什么要这么的糟糕呢？和他们一起唱不就ok了吗？ 但我却默默的坐在旁边看着他们唱！！我知道他们当中有人不喜欢这样像我high不起来的人【扫兴的人】从他们的表情我可以看出来！！ 隔天的行为让我更肯定！！！我很想唱，但我的却不懂我会唱什么歌，不是我不唱，是因为我真的不懂会唱什么，是真的！！！ 我试着和他们融在一起，那天是很好的时刻，但为什么我就不知要做什么呢？？ 为什么？？ 我是胆小？是，我承认！ 但我能做什么呢？ 我害怕！但我试着不显示出来呀！！ 我不唱，被讨厌！我唱，我害怕！
        他们是不是已经讨厌我了呢？ 已有一个我觉得他讨厌我了！！ 明天会更令人讨厌吗？我不喜欢如此的感觉，那天让我觉得他们不会再和我聊天，下马六甲了，因为他们其中一人曾说过：『不要找她【当时不是说我】下啦，带她下又要照顾她，等下她不要这个，不要那个』类似说某人会让他们high不起来的话，他们是否也会讨论说我如此的话呢？我怕他们不爽我，不和我做朋友，我很害怕，那天让我很自责，让我很有一种不能形容的感受！！
        我很怕他们讨厌我，我真的很怕，真的很怕！！！！

I really need your help, Angel~

Angel~ It is a long time no whisper with you, are you mad with me? I really feel so sad these days. I need your help, angel~ What should I do? I so worry for my homework, it so many! I want to suicide sometime, the stress from school, home, even from friends~ I really don't like this kind of life~ Can you tell me what life should I go forward? A simple life? A enjoyable life? I really don't know what kind of life is the best for me!! I have think about it sometime, but I get even more stress for thinking about it. Haiz~ I don't have the strength to suicide, I only want to live by my own life style, I really don't like the stress, I really don't like~ Angel, can you pray for me, to make me have the strength to continue live in this stressful world, make me have the power to face the problems and stress? The next time I whisper to you, I hope I already face all my problems and with a happy and joy soul telling my happy to you~

I want to find someone~

I have some secrets~ I want to find someone who I can trust~ A male~ Friend~ Can keep a secret~ I really want to tell someone my secrets, I really want to~ The secrets make me feel somethings~ Somethings that I cannot explain, it just like a tie in my heart~ A friend can keep secrets and trusted is the one who can untie my heart~ If someone saw this post~ And you think you are the one~ Please tell me and I will interview you~ All my word is true~ Make by my own that really want to find someone to share my secrets~

Many things happen to me~

I don't know what happen to me~ I feel terrible~ So sad~ That I don't know what to say~ I really want to cry~ Cry like a baby~ Like the day I born~ I can feel the time~ It come so quickly~ What should I do? It really so fast! I can't breath~ The time really make me can't breath~ I want my mind to be clear~ I want someone who can wake me up! Tell my mind and my soul that the time really cannot turn back!! But I know~ Time cannot turn back!! But I really can't catch up with the time!!! Why the time go so fast? Why? Why the time just like a knife in my heart? It hurt me!! Make my feel stress and sad!!! I can't win the time~ But I want to make it not hurt me so much~ What should I do?? Can the time just stop for a while?? Why it can't? Why? I feel stress now!!! Am I will be more stress after my school life? If it really~ What should I do? I really want to cry~ Really......

Drawing on Computer~

*左下角是原图*

评一评语吧～ ^_^

Drawing on Computer~

*左下角是原图*

第一次用电脑画图 ^_^ 可以吗？

好担心明天哦～

明天我好怕在学校遇到我的“阿母”啊！！我的美术还没考啊！！很不想考嘞～～ Haiz~~ 不考也不行啊！怎样讲都是考试来的嘛！！Haiz~~ 我的“阿母”就每天问："Fock, bila nak ambil seni?" 很恐怖嘞！！ 那眼睛亮亮的，嘴巴笑笑的酱跟我说，不像是酱麽？

阴气很重～～ 多恐怖啊~~

我每天早上看到她都几怕她一下的咯～ 怕她问我几时要考美术～～ 我都不懂要怎样回答她了咯～～ Haiz~~ 担心啊～～ 好担心啊～～     》——《

很好笑的咯今天！！

今天早上，学校有‘母亲节’的活动。有够好笑的咯！要我和一些朋友［没母亲的］去找一位女老师去送花给她［假花，还很小下的咯］，把她当母亲。哇靠！真的是笑到我不行！当我慢慢地步向女老师席时，我已经是在心里笑得很够力了的，谁知道，当我将花送给老师的时候哦，我对着老师笑，老师也对着我笑哦，另外还附送：三‘Sayang’！哇靠！我也笑到不行了~从老师席狂笑到食堂，嘴都和不上了，笑到我不行，哈哈哈！！

The Five People You Meet In Heaven

This story book is so nice. I'm not a love reading person also attracted by this sotry book! It start with a very special title "The End". Very special right!?
Look at this:
"Everyone has an idea of heaven, as do most religions, and they should all be respected. The version represented here is only a guess, a wish, in some ways-people who felt unimportant here on earth-realize, finally, how much they mattered and how they were loved."(Be shortened)

Very interesting right!? When I saw the above word, I feel somethings, it really have the word inside!

"The End"
This is a story about a man named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun. It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time.

So nice, the first paragraph, I should learn from it. After that, the following story is continue with Eddie death countdown. So special for me. I like this kind of story, so nice!!! Hope you all can have the opportunity to read the book.

I need to tell all visitor~

1)All post in my blog is really my feeling and my word.
2)I cannot write names on my posts except my name because if I write the name of my friends, they would hate me or... (i dont want to lose friends that cause by the post that have their name).
3)If I write about a happy or funny things, I'll write names of my friends that with me in the events(if have) but if I write about a sad or things I hate,(as LIST 2).
4)Please leave comments, I like to know what you think about my post~
5)Dont hate me if I am writing somethings about you(if you feel like I talking about you).
6)Dont mad me because of the background and make you hard to see my posts(I like my background picture).
7)If you like my blog, hope you can follow me~

~Hope You Enjoy in My Angel Dream World~

很难受啊~~

朋友，什么是朋友？朋友不是互相帮忙，互相安慰，鼓励，陪伴的吗？为什么朋友给我的感觉是伤害，排侧的呢？为什么？为什么？我最近很难受啊！被朋友排侧，被朋友讨厌，为什么？我真得很烂吗？我真得很让他们不喜欢吗?我不喜欢！不喜欢！不喜欢！！！不喜欢被人排侧！不喜欢被人讨厌！不喜欢！很难受~这真的很难受~真的~真的~很难受~我都已经道歉了啊！为何你还是很敷衍我呢？为什么？你不原谅我吗？你所说的一些，我不知你是无意有意，我都有在听，每句话，我都当真，你每句话都让我很痛，真得很痛。我很怕，很怕，就酱失去了你，这个朋友，我受不了没有朋友的日子，我受不了被朋友排侧的日子，我真的很难受，很难受~

Angel~

Why stud should do homework? Why so many works to do? I want to stop time! Stop the time for me, please, Angel~ I want to use the time to complete things that I really need time to done it~ What should I do? I'm too lazy to do homeworks, what should I do? What can change me? Angel~

我真得很糟糕！

今天拿到bio考卷纸时，考得好差啊！我为什么要这么糟糕呢？为什么？Angel, please, help me！36分！还差四分就及格了！为什么不及格呢？为什么？我向前去跟老师讨分数，老师就问我是怎么了？我情绪就来了。这真的是真的，不是我为了讨分数而流泪的，当时我真的觉得我很糟糕，真得很糟糕，我慢慢的回答老师的问题，眼泪也慢慢的控制不住。我会这么糟糕是因为我回到家真的是没有心要读书，没有一个人能在我后面推我，叫我，骂我，逼我去做功课读书。从那天起，我真的变得很糟糕，功课退步，初二每天迟到，真个人就是没有心要读书。从那天起。。。那天。。。为什么那天会在我还算小，还需要她的时候就来了呢？我很不能没有她，现在没人逼我，没人叫我，没人管我在校的事情，我才会这么糟糕。但我又为什么不努力多点呢？为什么？我需要一个关心我的功课的人，一个让我有心要读书的人，一个。。。一个。。。我真得很想努力，但为什么？为什么我就是没心要努力呢？Angel, please tell me, please take me to the Dream World. Tell me what should I do, take me to Dream World, let my soul find out who am I, what should I do, where should I go, What My Future Is. Angel, please let my soul peace, let my soul clear, let my soul understand what should I do, how to do.

我今天是怎么了！！！

我今天又有那种感觉了！为什么？！为什么？！我今天很害怕他，怕又不懂怕什么，怕他讨厌我？我想是啊，我很怕他讨厌我。他的行为让我很害怕，一直离开我，远离我，不采我，他是不是开始讨厌我了啊？还是他根本就不当我是朋友？根本就把我当成BNN一样呢？我一直把它当成好朋友，他早上的行为让我真得很害怕，我每天都在将我的缺点掩盖着，每天都把自己弄得100%完美，不要有任何令人讨厌的感觉，我很怕我！我！就是那么的另人讨厌！我是不是很令人讨厌？我真的有很糟吗？我很怕那失去朋友的感觉！我真得很怕！请不要让我觉得你们讨厌我！我真得很怕！我害怕这一切！一个小小的举动，一句话，肢体动作，都会让我想很多，想的都往负面，越想就越负面的，我回想很多！我为什么要想这么多呢？为什么？我真得很害怕失去朋友！我真得很害怕失去朋友！我真的。。。真的。。。很需要朋友。。。

Please.... My Angel....

I really want to know what my friends think about me. I always so scare that I will loss them. The feeling that no friends around me, that care me, I already have that feeling since I was small. I was so lonely, I dont like the feeling, that make me want to cry. I just want friends, I just want friends that not get away from me, that talk a lot with me, that care me, that can do things together, I like the feeling that we doing things together. Angel, please, tell me that the friends around me is truly my friends, I trusted truly 100% to friendship, I cannot be hurt by friends, I cannot no one that want to be my friends, I really want friends. I really hope my friends that with me since we are small can be friends all along our live, a friendship that cannot be break with anythings, either 5 years, 10 years ,50 years, or many many years later, I hope we can be connected, we are still friends. Angel, are my friends now I my friends? Why I feel they dont want to be with me? Why I have this feeling? We just having a party last night, why I feel lonely after that? Why? Why they dont talk to me? They hate to talk to me? They dont like me? Please, Angel, I want friends, I truly, truly, want friends~

我的第一次。。。 也是难忘的第一次。。。

虽说我的第一次，却是大家的很多次，没办法啦。。。 讲出来都有些怕被人笑，但我真得很开心！第一次的庆功宴，第一次和朋友们在一起（长时间在朋友家），第一次和朋友的派对，第一次的BBQ，第一次和朋友一起烤肉，一起吃火锅，第一次的真真玩麻将，第一次一个人在朋友家过夜（有过夜也是我和姐在她的朋友家），第一次喝香槟，第一次为朋友过生日。我很多的第一次，都在庆功宴里获得。很开心，真得很开心。

咳~这是什么感觉啊！

一通电话，我只问一些事情，问了，但好像不应该问，问了，得到的是一个答案，但也得到了一种感觉，我不想要的感觉。这种感觉是我的错觉，还是真的的呢？我很乱，我不喜欢这样的感觉。我问的原因是不想让大家忘记我，想接近他们，但我怕他们讨厌我，排侧我，我就开心得跟他们讲电话，开心地问他们问题，这样还会让大家讨厌我，厌倦我吗？？我从小就被人排侧，或是被人讨厌，上了中学，我试着改变，变得接近他们，乐观，开玩笑，每天到开心地跟着他们，试着了解他们的喜好，试着找我们彼此的话题，聊天，我喜欢酱！一起喝茶，一起完成某样东西，一起。。。我喜欢。。。我想要拥有一个真真能关心我的朋友，我不想做大家的绊脚石，我想和大家在一起，但我怕你们讨厌我，还没讲话就讨厌我，我靠近，但你们其实是不想和我讲话，和我聊天，和我在一起。每天都看到他们，但我不知他们对我怎样，是讨厌，是喜欢，是应酬，还是真的是我的朋友呢？刚刚的那通电话，真得让我想了很多，真的。。。真的。。。