我又得罪人了～

最近一直得罪朋友，每次都是得罪了才知道得罪到他们，然后就反省，安静地不说话，想想自己的错，想办法和他们和好。或许他们过了一两天就忘记了，但是我就是无法原谅我自己，为何我就是一直得罪他们呢？开玩笑，都是开玩笑惹得祸！我为何就是一直开玩笑呢？然后就不顾他人的想法，就说去来？然后就得罪到朋友。我也是很讨厌这样的我，但开玩笑好像是我和他们之间沟通的桥梁，我不会开话题，我不会加入他们的话题，我只会开玩笑，讲冷笑话，其他的都不会了。我该怎么办？得罪朋友很难受，冷战，恐怖，淡化，失去。我都有在反省，我真的都有在反省，我面子薄，就是开不了口说对不起，说了他们也是不原谅的表情，心里更加难受。为什么友谊就是那么的脆弱，那么的难维持，让它永恒呢？我真的很伤心，朋友的不爽的眼神，看着我，心很难受，像是友谊走到了尽头，那种感觉，有人能了解吗？？

Hooray!!!!!

The trial is end!!!!! Feel like freedom now!!!! But when I realize that SPM is not end yet, haizzz~ That what I do~ But now at least the trial is end, can play now. No stress, no formula in my head, feel free!!!!! Now I just need to pray for the good marks for all the subject, but I know my standard, so I just pray for PASS only~ Haiz, I need to go for a walk, just want to relax now before the SPM came~

I Feel I Been Isolated

     Start from the day back from KL trip, I feel like been isolated. It all start from the day I upload the picture of my friends. I really forget that they are telling me DO NOT upload to the website, maybe at the moment I was busy with my camera and photos I have taken, so I not pay attention to their speech. So, the event happen right after I upload the photos to website, one of my friend call me. I answer the call and the first sentence she say is:''I--H-A-T-E--Y-O-U''【If I not mistaken】The purpose she call me is want me to delete the photo that have she inside. She telling me that she already said to me and I have promise she not upload to web, but I really can't remember anythings about it. She tell me to delete the photo so I did it. Ok, never mind, maybe I really make a mistake, fine, but the next day to school, I been hated by other friends of my friend. It make me feel like, OMG, I just like betray my friends and been hate and been isolated from them. I feel very sad that day, not because of they isolate me but it was because one of them that should not been involved in this case mad to me, I really want to say to she:''What your business?? Why you want to involved in the case?? You not support to say anythings to my friends that make my friends more hate me!! And you don't know anythings about it!!''【We became friends already now】I feel sad not mad because that days been hate by my friends~ But we all get better after I delete the album of the photo of the KL trip. 

     Another case is happening right now. The exam weeks make me really sick of it and make me feel more been isolated from my friends. I really feel it, just at school this day. Today have BI papers 1&2, after these papers, it have a long long time for waiting to go home. I feel isolated on that time.I siting on my chair, boring, want to get into the topic of they saying but I can't get into it. I standing at the corridor, watching the students walking around the school. I feel boring, I want some talk, I want to play with them, laugh with them but I can't get into topic plus I'm a shy boy, I don't know how to start a topic, I scare they still hate me because of the photos, I don't know what they think about me, I just scare I open my mouth and been hated by them, so I just sit at my place listening their talk.They not talk about me, they not invite me, not bring me to the topic although I just sit around them. Are they hate me?? I keep thinking like this. No friends want to talk to me, and when I want to open my mouth, they just like not care about and walk away from me. That really hurt me. Am I been isolated?? I really hope this situation will change after this trial exam.

Exam

Trial Exam started~ Feel terrible~ No study, still play games, internet, watch animation, lay on the bed and sleep~ Really feel terrible!! I need to wake up!!! I hope someone can give me one or two slaps on my face and tell me: ''Wake UP!!!! Study!!!!'' Haiz~ What make me so lazy?? Why I'm so lazy?? No one can tell me~ Exam, I need to tell you, I--H-A-T-E--Y-O-U

初体验！！

        我又有过我的第一次了！第一次去看3D电影！！The Last Air Bender！电影刚开始时的却让人很震撼！那画面的却像是真的！可是就是有开头有3D效果罢了【失望】 明明是部很好看得卡通，却被cut掉很多！3D效果也非常少！！【愤怒】还收我们戏票RM16！！！ 真对不起其他朋友因为是我介绍他们来看这部电影的～ haiz～ 他们的反应让我很责怪我自己！！【担心难过】
        当天也和他们去唱K！！ 也是初体验！！ 但糟糕的是我很着怪我自己！！ 因为有我在，感觉让他们high不起来！！ 我为什么要这么的糟糕呢？和他们一起唱不就ok了吗？ 但我却默默的坐在旁边看着他们唱！！我知道他们当中有人不喜欢这样像我high不起来的人【扫兴的人】从他们的表情我可以看出来！！ 隔天的行为让我更肯定！！！我很想唱，但我的却不懂我会唱什么歌，不是我不唱，是因为我真的不懂会唱什么，是真的！！！ 我试着和他们融在一起，那天是很好的时刻，但为什么我就不知要做什么呢？？ 为什么？？ 我是胆小？是，我承认！ 但我能做什么呢？ 我害怕！但我试着不显示出来呀！！ 我不唱，被讨厌！我唱，我害怕！
        他们是不是已经讨厌我了呢？ 已有一个我觉得他讨厌我了！！ 明天会更令人讨厌吗？我不喜欢如此的感觉，那天让我觉得他们不会再和我聊天，下马六甲了，因为他们其中一人曾说过：『不要找她【当时不是说我】下啦，带她下又要照顾她，等下她不要这个，不要那个』类似说某人会让他们high不起来的话，他们是否也会讨论说我如此的话呢？我怕他们不爽我，不和我做朋友，我很害怕，那天让我很自责，让我很有一种不能形容的感受！！
        我很怕他们讨厌我，我真的很怕，真的很怕！！！！

I really need your help, Angel~

Angel~ It is a long time no whisper with you, are you mad with me? I really feel so sad these days. I need your help, angel~ What should I do? I so worry for my homework, it so many! I want to suicide sometime, the stress from school, home, even from friends~ I really don't like this kind of life~ Can you tell me what life should I go forward? A simple life? A enjoyable life? I really don't know what kind of life is the best for me!! I have think about it sometime, but I get even more stress for thinking about it. Haiz~ I don't have the strength to suicide, I only want to live by my own life style, I really don't like the stress, I really don't like~ Angel, can you pray for me, to make me have the strength to continue live in this stressful world, make me have the power to face the problems and stress? The next time I whisper to you, I hope I already face all my problems and with a happy and joy soul telling my happy to you~

I want to find someone~

I have some secrets~ I want to find someone who I can trust~ A male~ Friend~ Can keep a secret~ I really want to tell someone my secrets, I really want to~ The secrets make me feel somethings~ Somethings that I cannot explain, it just like a tie in my heart~ A friend can keep secrets and trusted is the one who can untie my heart~ If someone saw this post~ And you think you are the one~ Please tell me and I will interview you~ All my word is true~ Make by my own that really want to find someone to share my secrets~